2012 is finally coming to a close and, as you may have noticed, we somehow managed to survive without any apocalypses destroying civilization as we know it. But while we may have dodged a bullet this year, we thought it would only be prudent to prepare for the next one because OF COURSE there is going to be another one popping up in the next few years. So in the spirit of preparedness, we here have compiled our list of 12 movies that you should see before the next rapture is penciled into your busy schedules.
In no particular order…
12 – Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988)
Ok, so we lied about the order. If there is one movie that should be seen before the oceans swallow us up, its Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It’s seamless blend of live-action and animation is almost as deft as its weaving of comedy and noir and came at a time when Special Effects were actually special. Who Framed Roger Rabbit is a perfect example of what people used to refer to as “Movie Magic” and that’s why it’s the first one on this list.
Backup Movie Magic Pick: Ghostbusters (1984)
11 – Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Choosing one Stanley Kubrick film as a “must see” is kind of like choosing one Beatles album as a must listen: nigh impossible. With so many irreproachable works in his purview, we’re going with Dr. Strangelove because this list is about the end of the world and should we all be snuffed out of existence because of a flurry of retaliatory nuclear attacks, Strangelove would have predicted it 48 years prior.
Backup Stanley Kubrick Pick: The Shining (1980)
10 – Predator (1987)
Movies like The Expendables wish they could be this good. Featuring one of Hollywoods most iconic movie monsters, Predator pairs the manliest cast ever assembled with a script that – while it has very few actual lines – has gem after quotable gem. “If it bleeds, we can kill it”, and if there’s any movie with dialogue like that, you should watch it before aliens land on earth and hunt us down one by one for sport.
Backup Quintessential Action Flick: Die Hard (1988)
9 – The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
The Transformers: The Movie took an entire generation of nerdy children and made them cry. That takes guts. Unlike today, not only did Transformers have the temerity to kill off series icons like Optimus Prime and Megatron, it practically decimated the entire lineup. Wheeljack? Dead. Starscream? Dead. Brawn and the Insecticons? Dead. Sure it may have just been a money ploy designed to get kids to buy all new toys, but the impact was as powerful as it’s soundtrack is amazing. Should a giant planet devouring robot come to drain the earth of all it’s resources leaving it incapable of sustaining life, you need to have seen this film.
Backup Gut-Checking Kids Fare: The NeverEnding Story (1984)
8 – The Apartment (1960)
If you’re looking for some romance before zombies rise up from the grave and turn us all into walking corpses, you’d be hard-pressed to find a better movie than The Apartment. Billy Wilder directs and ensemble cast -including such legends as Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, and Fred MacMurray – in a timeless New York tale of love, ladder-climbing, and living quarters.
Backup Romantic Comedy: Groundhog Day (1993)
7 – Goodfellas (1990)
Goodfellas is another example of a movie from a director who we would be remiss not to include in a list of must see films. Ultimately, it gets the nod because upon first viewing, its a violent and dangerous film about violent and dangerous people but after multiple (and we do mean multiple) viewings, you practically become a part of the family. It can transform the viewer from being Henry Hill, seduced by the siren call of the mob only to realize the horror of that reality, to Jimmy Conway, “the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies”. It’s arguable that this isn’t even a crime drama at all but in fact the greatest dark comedy the world has ever seen. Or maybe we’ve just drank the Goodfellas kool-aid one too many times.
Backup Movie to Root for the Bad Guys: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966)
6 – The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three is a down-and-dirty working class thriller. It’s heroes are working class, it’s villains are working class, and it’s victims are working class. There’s no glitz or glamour, just pure 70’s grit highlighting every beat of this perfectly simple story. If you haven’t seen it yet or been ruined by watching the remake of this classic, make sure to do so before the next ice age sets in and kills us all.
Backup 70’s Thriller Starring Robert Shaw: Jaws (1975)
5 – Network (1976)
If there had to be one performance that needed to be seen before fire and brimstone rained down from above and wiped humanity off the face of the earth, it would be Peter Finchs’ in Network. The rest of the cast (Faye Dunaway, William Holden, Robert Duvall) is equally fantastic and Sidney Lumet is in his prime but it’s Finch as the lunatic newscaster broadcasting to a depraved society that stands out in a movie that’s as relevant today as it ever was.
Backup Tour-de-F0rce Performance Pick: Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966)
4 – Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
If that picture doesn’t say it all, we’re not really sure we can help you. The Wrath of Khan is one of the best Star Trek films and features one of the series classic villains. Maybe that has something to do with all the classical literature he quotes as he chases Kirk on a revenge fueled odyssey throughout the cosmos or maybe its just his timeless fashion sense. In any case, this is the film that changed the course of the Star Trek franchise forever and Ricardo Montalban puts it over the top with an unparalleled performance.
Backup Amazing Villain Flick: Mommie Dearest (1981)
3 – Troll 2 (1990)
Much has been said about the terrible-ness that is Troll 2. So much in fact, that a documentary (Best Worst Movie) was made to help explain it to the uninitiated. Don’t get fooled by the title, Troll 2 is not a horror film about Trolls (it’s about Goblins in a town called Nilbog), and it’s not related to the original Troll (as the numbering may suggest), nor are the actors even real actors (the lead was and still is a dentist by trade). So why include a movie like this in a list like this? Because if you want to know how good the other movies here truly are, you have to know how bad any one of them might have been. Troll 2 is a perfect example of that (and also of the “so bad it’s good” genre) so be sure to check it out before all the worlds volcanoes erupt and blanket the earth in a layer of lava.
Backup Guide to Terrible (and Also Hilarious) Movie Making: The Wicker Man (2006)
2 – Back to the Future Part II (1989)
There are so many arguments that could be made as to why Back to the Future Part II should be included in a list like this but the bottom line is this: should the world spin out of control and hurtle into the sun, it should be noted that we were promised hoverboards and never got them (as of this post).
Backup Time-Travel Pick: Twelve Monkeys (1995)
1 – Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
A combination of insanely sharp wit, a sublimely irreverent story, and an endless supply of pure silliness, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is not only one of the funniest movies of all time, but a fantastic musical as well. How good a musical? It eventually was adapted into the award-winning Spamalot!,that’s how good. So if we’re all going to laugh ourselves to death before the Four Horsemen arrive with or without coconut clapping squires in tow, it should be done with a mass-viewing of this film.
Backup Musical Comedy: The Blues Brothers (1980)
That’s it for 2012 everyone. See you at the next apocalypse!
– M.C.
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